(Shawn pictured signing "I love you" in his vehicle.)
Time sure does go by fast! I have already been home for 5 days now. I still can't believe I was in the hospital for over 18 days. That just sounds crazy. I know there are people who have had to stay for longer. There are even more people who are locked up in jail (and some innocently) for crimes for over a decade. To be honest, if the experience taught me one thing, for sure, it taught me, I cannot afford to commit any crime that would send me to jail/prison for any extended amount of time.
I vowed to be the type of easy-going patient that all the nurses loved to have on their rotation sheets. I didn't ask for much, I didn't bother them. I wasn't too needy. However, one early morning while laying there in that hospital bed, and it was about 3AM, I got extremely irritated. I had enough. I was fed up. So I rang my call bell and called my nurse to my room:
ME: Nurse, I can't take it anymore. I tried to be patient, but I can't sleep. It's 3AM in the morning. Can you talk to the engineers or the building department and ask them to stop moving this building. It's moving backwards and forwards and its stopping me from sleeping --it feels like a ship.
NURSE: Shawn the building is not moving.
ME: (BREAKS DOWN CRYING)
It was in that moment that I realized I was absolutely losing my mind. It got a little worse after that, because my blood pressure shot through the roof, I started to sweet (though I was freezing), and I was filled with extreme anxiety. I couldn't move my legs, so I felt trapped and I was scared. In that moment, I completely understood the trauma that haunt so many Americans. Before, I honestly couldn't understand mental illness. It's never really been something that I could articulate. However, now, I can talk about it. It's real. The person who experiences it, really does experience mental anguish. It's so amazing. Fortunately, for me, it was a temporary thing. The nurse had to help me with my legs (which I could not move on my on), but we swung them off the bed and allowed me to sit up with the help of the bed. That repositioning actually helped me. You know I prayed. I prayed one of those fervent prayers. I asked God to protect my mind. I reminded Him that He said He would give me the grace to get through this situation.
I told my brother/friend about the ordeal. He helped me to process what had really happened. God got a special anointing on his life. He's very smart. He is an up and coming Minister, building his church. His name is Minister KJ Staton. The way Minister KJ explained it is there is something called phantom sensation. Basically, it's where your brain sends a message to your body that you've felt something when in actuality you haven't. It just felt good to know that there was an actual THING. That others have possibly had the same experience was comforting. You see, because I was there in solitude in the quiet for so long all by myself, the AC unit became VERY loud to me. It was pervasive. That sound became a phantom sensation and I could feel the unit. It almost felt like a ship moving or a washing machine vibrating (off balance). I wasn't going crazy. My experience was real.
I did have to take action however. So the next day, I lined up an itinerary of guest to come see about me. I had a new person for each day of the week. No longer was I alone. Every-single-day I had someone coming in that hospital to sit up with me and look in my poor pitiful face so I wasn't drowning in silence. LOL. I laugh because I literally put together an extensive schedule: I had a morning visitor and an evening visitor. And the people I prioritized were people who I know had some stuff to talk about. For example, I had Councilwoman Cason, Attorney Jill Sege, Bishop Coghill, Ms. Holloway, Abraham, Councilwoman Ford, Minister Kj, Medical Professional Sharity, Minister Dallas, Hairstylist Josh, Pastor Clarey, Councilwoman Anderson and the list goes on and on and on. You notice these are all people who can talk and got something to say! If they didn't come in person, I had scheduled FaceTime talks with them. This also helped the days go by faster. This was a great lesson for me. It informed me that I need to have a personal ministry that somehow, someway, going forward, I need to make an effort to check on the sick and shut in. I am going to visit those in hospitals and nursing homes. The small things like that make all the difference. It's the gift of presence.
I am glad to be home and feeling amazing. I am back and it's like I never left. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am, how healthy I feel and comfortable I am. I have even returned to my normal eating routine: it follows the phrase "I don't eat POSSWMS." POSSWMS is an acronym that I created to help me stay focused with my diet. It stands for
White foods (breads, pastas),
So these are the things I try not to eat. After all, who wants to eat possums. LOL I am so happy to be back enjoying the foods that I enjoy too. I appreciate all that the hospital represents, but the food was never my favorite. Here is a picture of a recent meal I had. #DELICIOUS
You know when I was ill, there was a point when walking was my biggest challenge. Now, I am doing just fine. They say the prayers of the righteous availeth much. So many of you were praying so much for me and I am grateful. No, I know it's not over. It's far from over. I haven't had the surgery I need (kidney transplant). I am taking it one day at a time and just grateful that I feel better where I am right now.
I want to go ahead and prematurely make an announcement. It's not a secret. It's almost like a ministry that was given to me (or a vision). While I was in the hospital, I got some pretty amazing download from on high. There is a path that I am supposed to follow. Some will go with me and understand and support me and others will not. Perhaps, many will not. but if you'd like to go along with me and help me bring this God-given vision to life, then CLICK THIS LINK.